Baltimore Diary

More Tampa Bay Lightning

Barney Fife: A dog can't get struck by lightning. you know why? 'Cause he's too close to the ground. See, lightning strikes tall things. Now if they were giraffes out there in the field, now then we'd have trouble.

--The Andy Griffith Show

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My plane back to Baltimore was delayed by about two hours. My brother and I went to Tampa Airport, arriving at about 5:45, and went into the TGIFriday's there for something to eat before I got on the plane. Since we were short on time and all, we ordered something fast, no appetizers (not that we need 'em), and sweated the fact that I had to be through security by about 6:30 for my 7:00 flight.

It wasn't until we got out of the Fridays that we got word that the flight had been delayed until 8:30. D'oh!

We wandered the terminal area--

an aside: Tampa Airport is one of the best for either waiting for a flight with someone, or waiting to pick someone up. All the good stuff--the stores, the restaurants, whatever--is on the near side of the Take Off Your Shoes & Lemme Scan Yer Stuff crowd. Most airports have practically nothing on that side and everything on the other side. Baltimore is on that list. With Tampa it's the other way around. There's maybe one place to hang out once you're through Security. It's a Chili's.

--for a little while and when I checked the board again it had been backed up to 8:50. That's when I took pity on my brother and told him that he should go. Plus, he had my mother's car and she was waiting for it. He'd forgotten that part.

Through Security and into Chili's for a double vodka on the rocks (nine bucks!). I misjudged the time and left the bar to go to the gate area. It was still only about 8:00. The flight was delayed no further (on paper) and we kept getting status reports on our plane.

They didn't start boarding the plane until 8:45. I had a "B" boarding pass. Stupid brother, not having a printer for his computer and making me go to the public library. So we probably didn't leave the gate until 9:00.

As the plane pulls away from the gate, the Captain gets on and does the usual spiel, including an apology for the delay. He tells us that the plane had been hit by lightning over Cleveland (I think it was Cleveland) and they'd grounded it for awhile so they could check it out.

Yeah, that's news I think I could have waited to hear at the OTHER end of the flight. On the bright side, my drink on the plane was comped so I still have all my coupons. Let the de-tox begin.

Been Awhile Since I've Memed

Apologies for the way this originally looked; I was posting from a public library and TypePad temporarily choked on the HTML code. I think it feels better now.

(eta: stupid wonky code. Thanks, Yellojkt.)

150 Things (I've done the bold ones; feel free to ask me about it):

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candle lit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree (yes……I’ve hugged a tree)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states (I'm up to 31)
41. Taken care of someone who was really drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign (actually it was a roadblock sawhorse)
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip.
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (well…LPs. I’m old.)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the  Great Wall of China.

67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (tho I did it with Monopoly once)
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie.
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice.

80. Gotten a tattoo.
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage.
85. Been to Las Vegas.
86. Recorded music.
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu
89. Had a one night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111.Ridden a bike
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (I was ill)
123. Visited more foreign countries than  US States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi.
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey.
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident.
150. Saved someone’s life

Philadelphia v. Tampa Bay Redux

Little Boy: [watching the Warlock play a handheld football game] Hey, you can't punt on first down; no-one punts on first down, not even Tampa Bay!

--Warlock, 1989

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Incidentally, the actor child in that scene probably doesn't know it, but he's distantly related to me.

Once again Tampa Bay has proven victorious over Philadelphia. On Thursday it was hockey vs. the Flyers; today it was in football against the Eagles. It was a squeaker, too, with a 62-yard field goal in the last four seconds of the game that put the Bucs ahead. Prior to this game, Matt Bryant, the kicker, has been having trouble hitting field goals of more than 40 yards. Today he's got the record for third-longest field goal (two others have tied at 63 yards) EVER.

Which means that my brother, superstitious guy that he is, may have to fly me down here every weekend, where I'll wear his Mike Alstott jersey during the games. I'm willing to make that sacrifice if that's what it takes.

Lightning Under Clear Skies

Lewis Black [after the 2003 Stanley Cup finals]: This is how lame hockey has gotten: the country that invented it lost to a country that doesn't care about it, in a state that has NO natural ice!

--The Daily Show, 2003

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Yesterday's flight was uneventful, which figures because otherwise I'd have something to write about here. But here's one of those things that you don't notice in a timely fashion. Summers in Baltimore are usually pretty humid. I can take the heat, but that humidity is something else again. Having said that, I didn't notice how humid Baltimore has NOT been lately. Not until I got out of the airport terminal and got smacked in the face with the Hot, Wet Towel of Tampa heat. It's in the 80s this week and just plain muggy.

(note to self: "shift" and "enter" aren't the same key. Pay attention when you type.)

I didn't sleep very well the night before; I think it's just another sign of how badly I needed to be away for a few days. This has been happening a lot, and it's making me pretty crabby. So I just kind of stumbled through the day with my mother, stepfather and grandmother, maintaining conversation and not much else.

I've already told them that my one set of plans involved going to the hockey game. Naturally, they already made plans for everyone to go out to dinner tonight. But I can live with that.  At one point I went into the living room and sat in that room on the sofa, alone, so I could just...I don't know, catnap, meditate, some damn thing. Which was the cue for my grandmother to come in and converse with me. So by the time I got to my brother's I was half-drunk from sleep deprivation.

That, of course, means that the first thing we're going to do is have a shot of vodka. And perhaps another. We had some dinner and then my brother and I got our acts together to head down to the arena.

(another note to self: attend more hockey games. Girl hockey fans are hot, at least around here.)

One of the things that I enjoy doing when I go to sporting events is checking out the souvenir concessions. Every place has an assortment of T-shirts, sweats and hats, but the other stuff is usually pretty interesting. The Buccaneers, for instance, spent some time selling Goofy (the Disney character) bobbleheads dressed in a Bucs uniform. Someday I'll show you mine; I got one for free because I spent $40 on other crap about two years ago.

The Tampa Bay Lightning is selling ice.

Here's the story: when they won the Stanley Cup in 2003, someone got the idea to melt the ice and then collect the water. They put it in a lucite cube and embedded it in a hockey puck. You can still get one of these. Unfortunately, I can't find a picture. Shoulda snapped one with my phone, dammit.

Here's another Tampa Bay Stanley Cup story: the guy who drove the Zamboni that year embedded a lucky charm into the center ice. Apparently that's not against the rules, not that the building managers were thrilled with the idea. Here's a link to that story. 

So last night the Bolts won, 4-1. There was a scoreless first period, then two unanswered goals in the second. The second period also had a fight on the ice that was more like a hissy fit. The third period was more exciting overall: first the Flyers put one in that they had no business getting, then there was a much bigger fight on the ice. Doug Janik took a wicked uppercut from Philadelphia's Ben Eager and wound up getting six stitches. Shortly thereafter another fight broke out, but it was in Section 308 and involved a couple of women. When the arena security came in, one of them went after the security guard. I presume that this woman is now aware that sports arenas have their own jails. Two more goals on the part of Tampa Bay and that was that.

After the game we went across the street to Dave Andreychuk's Grille (scroll to the second story) for a couple of beers and to alternate between watching the waitstaff and their improbable breasts go by, and watching the Mets lose to the Cardinals. So that was a good news/bad news situation.

And I got nine solid hours of sleep last night.

Gone, Daddy, Gone

Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Airplane!, 1980

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Tomorrow morning I'm off to Florida. This is my first break from work since Christmas.

No kidding; I worked through parts of Spring Break, covering for my boss, then there was no letup during the summer because of the calendar changes for us. I've been fraying around the edges for awhile, now. It's a bad sign when you sweat the work details and then sweat the vacation because you thing everything will go to hell while you're away.

By this time tomorrow night I'll be on my way out of the St. Petersburg Times Arena, having just seen the Tampa Bay Lightning play against the Philadelphia Flyers. That's the one thing I have planned between now and Monday night, when I return. Of course, whenever my brother gets involved with anything there's going to be a story attached to it, so stay tuned.

The Best-Laid Plans

Stephen Colbert: The cereal once known as "Sugar Pops", then as "Corn Pops" has changed its name once again to "Pops". They already took out the sugar. Now they've taken out the corn. What the hell is left? Now I've always been suspicious of this particular cereal. It comes in that foil bag as if we needed extra shielding from some sort of radioactive output. Plus it has no mascot. I just don't trust a kids cereal that can't even get a cartoon animal to endorse it.

--The Colbert Report, 3/22/06

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Here were my plans for the weekend:

1. Cut the grass in the front yard. Some might suggest that a better name for this activity would be "Harvest the wheat field." Fortunately my front yard can be cut with a weedwhacker.
2. Plant the daffodil bulbs I got in the mail this week.
3. Football and homework.
4. What? There's something else needs to be done?

I managed to get all of that done, but all of it wound up being secondary to everything else that happened.

GF went out Saturday morning to get her car looked at. Apparently her Volvo has a bad sensor, so every time you step on the brake a message comes up saying that there's no oil in the car whatsoever. She came back home around noon and told me that she'd been to the Baltimore Animal Shelter, and re-signed up to become a volunteer. She also spotted a dog that she wanted to adopt and can we go see her please please pleeeeazzzze?

So.

Down to the shelter we go, with the Wee One in tow. We sign in and get our escort to the Dog Room, and go see this dog. You can bring the dog out of this area, which is rather noisy and smelly), and into a "playroom", which is clean and quieter. The playroom has three chairs and a few packages of pet treats on a high shelf, so you can see how they react to that sort of thing, and how they react to you, and whatever else.

One of the things that struck me about Keiko, our first dog, is that the first time we took her into the playroom she seemed genuinely frightened by absolutely everything. But she seemed to trust me a little bit. When she cowered, she'd do it by leaning into me. This dog didn't have that, but she didn't appear to have a lot of fear anyway.

What could I do? What could I do? I decided to see if we could arrange for this dog and for Keiko to meet before we committed to anything. GF went to get Keiko and Wee One and I waited around. They brought her outside to a small play yard and, when GF came back, we let them "say hi" through the fence. That went well (i.e. no growling or barking) so we brought Keiko into the play yard. There was a little interaction but for the most part they moved in their own circles. OK, I can deal with that. So finally I said "OK, what do we have to do now?"

Well, what you have to do now is pony up $65 for the adoption and the spaying and I forget what else. And, you have to go to dog adoption class, which is Commonsense Pet Ownership 101. I swear to god, part of the indoctrination goes: "If the dog is skinny, feed it some more. If he's fat, feed him less. And don't forget to give him water." But they also put you through the dog's medical history and let you know what (if anything) needs to be done.

BARCS still has a link to the dog on their website, which includes a picture. We're not calling her Simone, though. I'm the kind of person who has to have a dog for several days and see what name fits. Here's something weird: the website mentions the dog's former family, which suggests that she was surrendered to the shelter for some reason. We were told that she was a stray found wandering on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway. Hm.

Sunday was spent going out to North Run Farm to check out this year's Corn Maze and pick some pumpkins. I'm pleased to say that we made it through the maze (maize?) in about an hour. It's kind of cool going out to the field and literally picking a pumpkin. GF complained a lot about how last year was better. The corn was cornier, the hayride had more actual hay in it, they weren't selling cider by the gallon this year...What. Ever. Let's just have fun with what we have now, hm?

Of course, the cider we had wasn't bad, but for what it's worth Richter's Orchard in East Northport, NY still has the best. (Sorry, there's no link because they don't have a website.)

Some Assembly Required

Archie Bunker: You're supposed to be the big bug on the Constitution, right? Well the first amendment guarantees that baby the right to bear a machine gun?
Mike Stivic: The first amendment guarantees free speech.
Archie: Same thing, buddy boy. If you got a gun in your hand, you're free to make any speech you want to.

--All in the Family,1971-1979

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By now I'm sure most people in this town have heard about the incident with the gun at Grove Park Elementary School. The short version is, a third-grader brought a gun to school and stashed it in his desk. Someone sitting nearby came over to see it, the gun discharged accidentally while still in the desk, nobody was hurt because the bullet didn't penetrate the desk.

By sheer coincidence, I was in the building yesterday, about two hours after the gun went off. I was scheduled to do a student observation and, as I came down Northern Parkway, noticed a helicopter in the air above the approximate spot where the school was. As I made the turnsonto Wabash and then Rogers, I was even more convinced that the copter was over the school, but figured that they were looking at something going on in a nearby cemetary. When I made the last turn into the street where the school was, the copter moved away. But that's when I noticed several police cars in front of the school.

Well...school police can show up anywhere for any reason; that doesn't mean much. Although I thought it was kind of odd that, as I entered the school, a woman who was exiting stopped and snapped a photo of the building.

The principal was at the door. The last time I'd been in the school they had a drill called a "Code Red", which basically means "everyone return to your classroom, close all windows and doors, be as quiet as possible." I'm not sure what the purpose of a Code Red is, but okay. Anyway, I jokingly asked her if the school was "under lockdown" again. That's when she told me that there'd been an incident at the school, that a student had brought in a gun.

As it happened, the student who I was supposed to observe has some anxiety issues, so I figured that this would be a pretty good time to see her "in action". However, she was at lunch and the principal had called a special assembly immediately afterwards.

The entire school was gathered in the combination gym-auditorium: teachers, parents, students, custodians, cafeteria staff, child study team, office staff. That's when the principal shared the whole story, but not so much that it scared the kids.

She told everyone that a student had brought a gun to school, and that he showed it to his friend. She did NOT say that the gun was loaded, nor that it had gone off. And really, why share that part with the students? No point in scaring three hundred-some kids. So I'm with her on that one. She noted that nobody was hurt but stressed the danger in things like guns and knives, and she told the students directly not to bring weapons to school. She pointed out that we'd seen Baltimore City police, school police, and the fire department all day because "this is what we have to do" to keep everyone safe.

She also noted that there were reporters outside and cautioned the kids not to talk to them; and that the adults should simply refer them to North Avenue for comments. Some of the students had questions about why the gun was brought in, and so forth. Most of the questions I heard were pretty good ones; sometimes kids can ask questions that veer into "what-if" territory and bring the meeting off-course. Speaking of which:

One parent started to drag the meeting off-track (isn't there always someone who does this at every meeting?), complaining that she wasn't told all the details as soon as she got into the building, that it was important to know whether the gun was loaded (this was shortly after a student asked about it, and the principal simply replied, "Does it matter?") because this is what life is like, etc. etc. etc. and basically giving her a hard time in front of the entire student and staff body. She handled this remarkably well, and I asked a question whose answer I knew simply to get the subject changed. (For what it's worth, I also asked for the benefit of the adults who didn't know the answer.) Also for what it's worth, I didn't see this asshat parent yapping with the reporters, so I guess the message got through.

So I give major kudos to Ms. Jackson, the principal at Grove Park, for maintaining order during what had to be one of her toughest days ever, and doing a great job getting the story out without it devolving into rumor, innuendo and a whole barrel of fear-mongering.

P. S. I did complete the observation the student, who until the assembly had no idea that something had happened. She did a great job in class.

Hockey, Si; Football, No

I've been making plans for my now-annual long weekend pilgrimage to God's Waiting Room Florida.

My brother has been trying to score tickets for the Bucs/Eagles game that's on Sunday the 22nd, but last I heard he hasn't had much luck. I, on the other hand, managed to get a pair for the Tampa Bay Lightning, who are playing at the St. Petersburg Times Forum on the 19th, the day I arrive. And they'll be playing against the Flyers. So either way it'll be against Philadelphia.

Maybe it's just as well that we're not going to the Bucs game; the only thing that keeps their record from being 0-5 at this point is that last week was their bye week. Meanwhile the local boys (Ravens, dopey) are 4-0 going into Monday Night Football, which will be interrupted by Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. The other good thing about this is that, if we don't go, my brother tells me that we're already invited over to his neighbor's place to watch the game. So I don't have to cook for Game Day. For a change.

Karaoke Birthday

Saturday night GF and I went out with our friend A and a couple of others to celebrate A's fiftieth birthday.

Everyone just wanted to go OUT, nobody really cared where. So, since we'd all been there before, we decided to go to JR's Bar & Grill down in Locust Point. Karaoke was to start at 9:00, so we figured we'd get there at about 7:30, have a bite to eat and hang around for musical hijinks. When I suggested J. R.'s, I was asked the same thing each time: "They have food?" to which I responded the same way. "Sure they have food. It's bar food, but it's food." The message being "Don't expect The Mount Washington Tavern and all will be well." Hell, don't even expect the Double T Diner.

There were six of us in my group: Me and GF, A and her date, who we were meeting for the first time, and my boss and his girlfriend. My boss is also good friends with A. We all got there within a few minutes of each other and ordered drinks. Brandi, who is one of my favorite bartenders in this town, knew immediately that we were dealing with three checks and planned accordingly. (We'd gotten there first so I already had a tab running.) We reviewed the menus and the stuff up on the chalkboards and ordered our food. I ordered a bowl of cream of crab soup and a J. R. Burger, which is a bacon cheeseburger with barbecue sauce. GF ordered a hot open face beef sandwich with gravy. Other orders included the fried cod and a crabcake.

[Here's a caveat: if you're going to open a restaurant in Maryland, it may be state law that you have to have crabcake on the menu. This does NOT, however, mean that your crabcake has to be any good. Consequently the average quality of crabcakes in MD restaurants isn't very good. If you're a tourist in Maryland, don't order the crabcake unless you're there with some locals and they recommend it. You're welcome.]

So of course, the fried cod was...I forget what, something wasn't right with it, and the crabcake was bland. My soup tasted kind of like cream of chicken with crab meat dropped in. And the BBQ was to the side of my sandwich (in a cup) instead of on it. But the thing is, it's bar food. Let's not be snobs, here. I didn't complain, but a couple of people were apparently feeling a little picky.

One of the cool things about J.R.'s (and I imagine that other bars in the city do this as well) is that they push the clocks ahead about 15 minutes so as not to violate the law when it comes to serving alcohol. But this also means that at 8:45 by everyone else's lights, the 9:00 Karaoke begins.

The boss stayed until about 11:00; A and her date (a nice guy, incidentally, but kind of quiet) left about a half-hour later. GF and I made it till 1:00 because we haven't gone out on our own much at all lately. Or, if we do, there's some other social thing we have to deal with.

And here's where one of my major complaints about this town kicks in: Baltimore definitely needs more diners. Where the hell do you go after an evening of drinking, when the bars' kitchens have closed? You're supposed to hit a diner. There aren't nearly enough diners in this town. All of the Double T's are outside city limits. Then you have the Hollywood on Saratoga Street, the Papermoon (Irritating Flash Website Alert) on 29th and not much else. The Sip 'n' Bite doesn't count anymore, it's a tourist attraction. And anyway, none of these places are in the SoBo or Morrell Park area. Plus, the Hollywood closes at 4 PM. Four in the Afternoon! So we did NOT go anywhere for a post-drinking nosh.

I got home with a pleasant buzz on (GF drove; she only had two alcoholic drinks the whole night) and we both drifted off to slumberland.

Incidentally, the Hollywood diner was moved to Baltimore from Long Island. Why? 'Cause Long Islanders know how to do diners.

Don't Expect Me To Sing "Circle of Life"

Marge: When do you show the consequences? On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably.
Guard at I&S Land: Just like in real life.

—The Simpsons, "Itchy and Scratchy Land" (6.4), 1994

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I recently had to deal with a mouse being in the house.

This is a totally bizarre thing for me. When I was a kid, we never had mice in the house. For a brief period, when some wooded lots were cleared behind my house we had a short rat infestation, but we're talking about one month out of god knows how many years.

So I move into this place and, as we're gutting the kitchen (heh—"we" being the guys I paid to re-do the kitchen), I notice that there is a huge amount of mouse droppings behind the stove and under the cabinets we're removing. GF said, "That's nothing, you should have seen my place before we re-did my kitchen" but frankly, I was satisfied with the amount I had to deal with. We scrubbed the HELL out of the subflooring, though.

(Let me backtrack a bit...both of us purchased houses under the Teacher Next Door program, where the houses were HUD foreclosures and unoccupied for a long while before we bought and renovated them under the program. So it's not like we each had these massively infested kitchens that we decided to redecorate one day; we inherited them with all this mess. Incidentally, the link explains the program well but real estate brokers are essentially superfluous here; you need only a mortgage broker.)

Anyway, I figured that with the renovations and new signs of life in the house and all, there shouldn't be much mouse problem anymore, right? RIGHT?

Wrong. I still had them every once in awhile, maybe every three months or so. This ain't cool, says I. I don't want these things in the house. Fortunately, it turns out that both of the cats are pretty good mousers. One of them, Marlon, is an "outside" cat and will do all his hunting in the yard, where he'll catch and eat mice and small birds, and leave me to find the remains. The other one, Zeke (shut up, the girls named the cats) is an "inside" cat who is actually pretty vigilant about the mice. Marlon couldn't care less if there's a mouse in the house. I guess they've got the labor pretty well divided. The bad news is that Zeke doesn't eat the mice; he just leaves the trophy for us to find. Or, maybe it's a warning to other mice that might come along?

The one thing I notice about the mice is that they have this habit of coming up inside, or behind, the stove and nosing about the burners and stuff. I keep them pretty clean, so I'm not sure what the attraction is, but perhaps it's just a means of getting on the counter. Usually Zeke is wise to the mice before we are, so when I see Zeke sitting on the kitchen counter, I know he's on the hunt. Such was the case this morning when I came downstairs, so I let him be.

About an hour later I hear a crash in the kitchen that sounds exactly like a cat making contact with the stove grids and perhaps the utensil jar beyond the stove. A minute later, another, similar crash. I don't hear anything breaking, so I'm letting it go for the time being. Then, maybe ten minutes later, I hear some odd scrambling in the dining room. (My house has a "railroad" layout on the first floor: living room, then dining room, then kitchen with a common passage. So this activity is getting closer.) A couple of minutes later, more scrambling. Finally, unable to restrain myself further, I walk into the dining room and see Zeke in the middle of the room with the mouse in his mouth. Hey! He's actually eating the thing! I continue into the kitchen to warm up my tea.

No such luck. As I pass back through the dining room, Zeke has the mouse on the floor in front of him. The mouse isn't moving so now he's apparently just guarding this little mouse corpse. I guess I'm getting rid of the body after all. A moment later the mouse actually starts to run. Yow! It's alive after all! Zeke pounces on it again, bops it a few times with his paws and then stares at it again. Again, the mouse is perfectly still for a minute and tries to take off again. Wham! Zeke jumps on it again.

You know what? I can actually live with this. He did the work to catch the thing, let him do his thing with it. But frankly I thought that the whole "cat playing with his food" bit meant batting about a dead body, not catching a live mouse repeatedly until it's finally beaten, bitten or frightened to death. It took about an hour, but finally the every-five-minutes-scramble-from-the-next-room appeared to stop. I went back in and Zeke was relaxing on one of the dining room chairs, Commander of All He Surveys, and the mouse was honest-to-god dead on the floor. Sumbitch still ain't eating the thing. So now I do my bit and send the body out into the garden. I've got a regular Pet Sematery out there, now.