Goofus and Gallant

[Neela and Abby is trying to help a women who was rude to them, who has just twisted her ankle]
Drew: Don't touch me!
Neela Rasgotra: Try not to move, I'm a doctor. You may have broken your ankle.
Drew: If you're a doctor, I want a second opinion.
Neela: Okay. Doctor Lockhart, would you care to give a second opinion?
Abby Lockhart: Sure, your ankle may be broken and you're a bitch.

—ER, "Nobody's Baby" (9/29/05)

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Yesterday while working I had to go from one location to another. As I do.

I realized that it was a little on the late side and that, if I didn't stop for lunch (read: breakfast), I wasn't going to get anything to eat until supper. So I hit the drive-through at the McDonald's on McClean Boulevard, at Perring Parkway.

Normally this one's pretty busy, but not so much this day. I drove directly up to the menu board/loudspeaker jobbie and placed my order. I have to say, the young lady taking my order was very pleasant, cheerful and easy to understand. Those who know me, know that this sort of thing goes a LONG way with me. Drove to the first window, gave her my debit card, again with the pleasantness. There was no car ahead of me so when that was done I went straight to the second window. Get this: my food was actually waiting for me. I was so happy that I actually sent the corporation an email to tell them about it.

However, you probably don't much care about all that. What's more, that's not why I'm writing all this.

So I pull the car into a parking space nearby and shut the car off, leaving the key in the accessory position so I can keep listening to the radio. This is for about ten minutes, so I can eat my fries and double-check my schedule, that sort of thing. Then off to my next destination.

Except, not so much.

I turn the key and nothing happens. Uh-oh. Then I remember that, because I shut the car off altogether, I have to re-set the kill switch. So I take care of that and try again. No go. A single "click" and that's it. Crap. No previous sign that there's a problem with the battery and now this?

Well. I'm just practical enough that I do have jumper cables in the back of my car...somewhere. I have a lot of crap in the back of my car. At present it includes two 12-packs of Coke Zero and a pair of collapsible chairs that I brought to the most recent football game at which Wee One was cheerleading. Also, being a bit of an electronics geek, I have numerous other cables and wires back there. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised to find Billy Batts back there as well. I go fishing through all this and do, indeed, come up with the jumpers, which naturally are tangled up with about twelve feet of telephone wire.

Now it's off to find some assistance. Fortunately, the pickup truck two spots away has a pair of guys in it eating their lunch. I go over and ask them for a jump: "Hi, excuse me, do you think I could get a jump from you guys?"

The driver's response, through a mouthful of French Fries, was a lame-ass excuse about already being late for something, he's going to literally be leaving in about two minutes, blah blah blah. Yeah, because a battery jump takes a half hour and nobody on the planet would give you a pass for helping out another human being. Fuckwit.

A few spaces away there's another pretty large vehicle and, while the driver seat is empty, the passenger seat has someone awaiting her partner. As I approach the car, the driver comes up. I explain the situation and he's more than happy to help, so long as I have cables (because he doesn't). He pulls into the space adjacent to mine and, as we pop our respective hoods, there's a problem: Our batteries are on opposite sides of the cars, so the cables don't reach. And it's not as though he can go to my other side, because I'm on the end space and there's a curb/median thing there.

Finally I say, "How about if I let off the brake, let it roll back a bit and you nose it in, in front of me?" He says that would probably work. So I get in my car, release the brake and allow it to roll about halfway out of the spot (we're on a slight incline). Meanwhile, my benefactor has to ask the the guy in truck that turned me down, who's still sitting there, to get out of the way. This, he had no trouble complying with, being late and all.

I get the jump and all is well so far. The guy noted a little corrosion on my battery terminal and pointed out that it appears to be the car's original battery, so maybe it's just nearing the end of its life. All of which are true, so I guess after almost exactly six years and 80,000 miles I haven't much cause to complain.

Except about the other asshat. Too bad I won't be around to see the karmic wedgie he gets.

Comments

[yellojkt]

Pay extra for for longer thicker cables and it will pay off. Batteries have timers in them. They will die out of warranty to the minute. Replace yours immediately.