Form Letter

Cashier: Yankee bean soup, coleslaw, and tuna surprise.

—Blazing Saddles (1974)

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This one is kind of dumb, but I did promise to tell, so.

Right after the Bill Bateman's thing went down I was on my way from one work location to another and I popped into a 7-Eleven store to pick up a beverage and sandwich. I've done this several times at several 7-Elevens across the city, but this particular time was at the store on East 25th Street, at Kirk Avenue. This, by the way, is one of my favorite 7-Eleven stores anywhere, if one can be said to have such a thing. I grabbed a tuna sandwich and poured myself a fountain beverage (2/3 Diet Coke, 1/3 regular to cut the saccharine flavor of the diet).

 I don't know why, because who really knows these things, but I really like the tuna salad that you get at 7-Eleven stores. And up until recently, they put it on a cracked wheat bread that really did something extra to the whole sandwich. I'm not a complicated guy or anything, but this was a nice combination and it had what they call "good mouth feel" for me.

In the last few weeks, however, whoever's been supplying the stores with the sandwiches isn't using the same bread. Now they're using something called "Fridgesoft Wheat". OK, first off they totally made that name up, and second, it doesn't even sound appetizing. As it happened, there was a toll-free phone number on the packaging, so I gave them a call.

The person I spoke to was very nice, but she was so programmed to deal with heavy-duty complaints that my initial compliment of the tuna salad itself whipped right by her; she didn't even register it. It was when I got to the change in the bread that she decided she had something she could sink her teeth into. Heh. I made it clear that this wasn't a dealbreaker, but if anyone's taking notes on this sort of thing, I'd much prefer the old bread. Her language continued to assume that I was an irate customer who was threatening never to darken the doorways of their stores ever again. Her final move was to offer me coupons for some freebie beverages.

Today I received the coupons in the mail, along with a letter from someone named Janey Camacho which, once again, indicated that the she had no idea why she was sending me coupons, except that I'd had an "unpleasant shopping experience...at the 7-Eleven® store located at 729 EAST 25 STREET" and apologizing for any inconvenience this may have caused. There was also sincere regret for "any inconvenience or distress [I] may have experience [sic] at this location..."

Sigh. Way to pay attention, Ja-ney.

I actually feel bad for this store, since as I said above, I really like them. I also tried to make it clear that this was a city-wide situation, and the 25th St. location was simply the last place I'd been to. So I'm hoping that they, in particular, didn't catch a lot of crap for it. I've actually considered writing back to Ms. Camacho and setting the record straight. But I get the feeling that this would lead to something out of a Monty Python sketch where she sends a second apology to apologize for the first letter, and so forth. So I'm not sure what I'll do.

Other than enjoy a couple of freebie beverages, of course.

Comments

[Daily Breather]

Ahh, this post makes sense for me now. I have a buddy who lives in TX and is now doing Ms. Camacho's job. He sent me a email the other day apologizing for my unsatisfactory visit to store #000 in Denton, TX and to enjoy the 4 free slurpees. Now I know what he's talking about. See? You help a lot of people with your blog. Thanks, man.