Baltimore Diary

Comma Comma Comma Comma Comma Chameleon

Paul Barringer: Ever tried "punctuation sex", Henrietta? Hyphens are kisses, commas are maybes, and a period is a definite no. And then of course, there's the... limitless realms of semicolons and apostrophes. I shudder to think what an exclamation point might mean.

—Up the Down Staircase (1967)

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Borrowed from  Your Neighborhood Librarian (heh):

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time. Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to. (But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.) You excel in: Inspiring people You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

It's Like They're Looking Into My Soul! or something.

Dan Rydell: They say it's always calmest before the storm. That's not true. I'm a serious sailor. It isn't calm before the storm. Stuff happens.

—Sports Night, "Eli's Coming" (3/30/99)

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From another SN episode: "What's wrong with 'The storm clouds are gathering'?" Bonus points if you know who said it and in what context.

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

Shocking!

Sorry.

What Type of Weather Are You?

Lightning In A Bottle!

Murray: When you're in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend - past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle - you know? Fleetwood Mac situation.
[beat]
Murray: Well there, there was four of them, so...more of a love square. But you know, no one gets on.
Jemaine: Okay, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumours.
Murray: No, that's all true.

—The Flight of the Conchords, "Sally" (6/17/07)

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A meme I got from Yellojkt for creating your very own rock and roll album. I thought it would yield rather boring results but I was pleasantly surprised, so I'm sharing it:

First, you get your band name by visiting a random page on Wikipedia. When I clicked on the link, it took me to the page for the Council of Notables. Is that just THE best name ever for a rock band? You bet it is.

Next, you have to come up with a title for your album. This is done by going to this random quotation page. Go to the last quotation on that page and grab the last four words of the quotation. In my case, the full quotation was:

Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures. (Han Suyin)

So my album title is:  Hurt, But it Cures, which is just enigmatic enough to be a cool album title coming from a band. It's more Radiohead than The Beatles, if you get what I mean. Anyway, I like it.

Finally, what good album doesn't have cover art on it? To get the artwork, you go to a random Flickr page and choose the THIRD picture. My photo came from a guy named Octave Z. The Flickr title is "Day 24/365" but the file name is "spaceball." I think it was part of a photo-a-day experiment. I love the shallow focus field in my image and again I think it's tough to beat, given the trend laid down by the other two elements of my album. Anyway, I had to crop it a little to make it fit a square image, which is a shame, but I think it still works. Add some text elements using a program called GIMP, and away we go:

GIMP, by the way, is a freebie, open-source program that you can use to manipulate images. From a user-friendly standpoint, it's no worse than Photoshop, which means it takes a little getting used to some of the elements but it's not as tough to get the hang of it, in my opinion. You can get it here.

So this was a fun little project, which of course has GF rolling her eyes so hard that our neighbors could hear them rattling about in her head, but it may inspire me to jerk around with other pictures just for the fun of it.

On Pizza

Charles Lamb: This is not a city! A city is like London or New York where one can just walk outside and hail a taxi!

—L. A. Law, "Do The Spike Thing" (10/31/91)

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You Are 84% NYC

Congratulations, you are truly a New Yorker. You've seen it all, and you're more than a little cynical.

How NYC Are You?

I don't think anyone would disagree with this one.

A couple of weeks ago, I made a side comment about the state of pizza in Baltimore. It was really part of a larger post about something different, but Dena decided to seize upon it in the comments:

I've never met a New Yorker who considered pizza from anywhere else to be a real pie. Someone once told me that it's the water used in making the dough that makes it taste so different.

She may be right about this; I don't know. After all, it's a bagel thing too. Bagels around here are roughly analagous to Wonder Bread in my eyes. Bread in general is pretty disappointing, except for two places: DiPasquale's on Gough Street (WARNING: noisy and irritating music at that link), and Mastellone's on Harford Road, practically around the corner from my home. Mastellone's does not appear to have a website, even though both places are owned by the same guy. Go figure. These are the kinds of places where you can say something like "Gabagool" and they know what you want AND they ask you if you want it hot or sweet. Ask me if you're curious enough. I totally heart these guys. I hate the music on the website. Can it, guys, please.

Back to pizza. It could be a water thing, but there's also a philosophy behind pizza that so few places outside the New York Metro Area seem to have.

I won't debate Chicago-style; I don't have enough practical experience. I have no quarrel with Uno's but Second City dwellers may. Feel free to enlighten me. However:

New York-style pizza has a nice thin crust that's built up at the edges and both kneaded and shaped by hand. A 16-inch pizza has 4-6 ounces of sauce spread thinly over it and a generous double handful of mozzarella cheese. Real mozzarella is essential. A lot of lesser places will use a mix of mozzarella and something else; some places actually use a white version of cheddar. (A lot of frozen pizza uses this stuff too; go look at the side of the box.) Some places will dust the top with a little dried oregano and/or basil. Those are nice, but not necessary.

Pizza needs to be cooked in a very hot, gas-fired oven with stone on its floor. The pizza needs to go directly onto the stone, and this is where so many places go wrong, wrong, wrong. I've seen a bunch of places shape the dough into a pan (some of them do this mechanically) and then put the pan into the oven. How are you going to get a crispy crust if you do that? Answer: you won't.

Worse yet are the places that do this and then put the pan on a kind of chain/conveyor belt which carries this deal through a cave of electric heating elements. Let me make this clear: you can't bake a pizza in a fucking Easy-Bake Oven. And you certainly can't do it in this contraption, which is maybe one step higher. The cheese tends to overcook and the crust is...it's just sad.

If this is done right, and the oven is hot enough, the edge of the crust may actually start to form bubbles at the point where the sauce ends and the crust begins. Some places like to check the pie at about the halfway mark and pop the bubbles before they turn the pie around; other places let it go. I kind of like bubbles, but I couldn't tell you why. Turning the pie around is probably superstitious, but then again the back of the oven is likely hotter than the front because of the door getting opened and closed all the time.

How tough is it to do this well? Apparently, very tough.

Pizza for one: In New York you buy a slice of pizza. A lot of places, especially in downtown Brooklyn, will still give you this for a dollar or less. I don't get the "personal" pizza, the 12-inch jobbie. Get a slice and walk away from the window, munching away.

When I was 15 years old, I went to visit my dad's parents in Las Cruces, New Mexico. There was a Pizza Hut on the corner by their place. I'd never been to Pizza Hut before. I went in and asked for a slice to go. The guy was dumbfounded: "You want a what?"

Now it was my turn to be confused. "A slice. Of pizza. This is a pizza place, I'd like a slice of pizza to go."

"Oh...we don't sell pizza by the slice."

"You don't...sell...pizza...by the...?"

"As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone around here does."

And that was my first exposure to the idea that Things Are Not The Same Elsewhere. Perhaps in a future post we can discuss why mustard on the burgers is also a wrongness.

Now I'm going to put on my shoes and walk up Harford Road so I can have some gabagool. On some decent bread.

Daft Hands

Max Guevara: [Brain and Max are on her motorcycle and Brain puts his hands on her chest to hold on.] Brain?
Brain: Yeah.
Max: Watch the hands!
Brain: I'm just trying to hang on here.
Max Guevara: Hang on a little lower. [Brain moves his hands down too low.] Not that low!

--Dark Angel, "Brainiac" (1/11/02)

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Found this via B3ta.com. It's slow at first, so stay with it past the intro. Who knows, maybe it's viral already...

Kids, Leave The Room

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in order to achieve an "R" rating today, a motion picture must contain full frontal nudity, graphic violence, or an explicit reference to the sex act. Since this film has none of those, and since research has proven that R-rated films are by far the most popular with the moviegoing public, the producers of this motion picture have asked me to take this opportunity to say "Fuck you."
[the MPAA R-rating logo appears on the screen]

—Student Bodies (1981)

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Found this via The Presurfer. Apparently whatever it looked at saw the words "dead" and "crap," hence the rating. It's true; I try not to use too much of the bad language here. After all, what would Mom say when her spy reports back to her?

What Incredible Irony!

Well...if you know me, it is.

Found via Drama Duchess.

Your Personality Is Like Cocaine

You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party. Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

No Surprises Here

Dr. Soran: They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now, Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things unfinished in our lives. [softly] I know you understand.

—Star Trek: Generations (1994)

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I basically worked for eleven hours straight yesterday trying to get my data straightened out. It's not done but the end is in sight.

You Are 75% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

I found this via Karen. I'll tell you what: I can still burn the candle at both ends when I want, but I certainly don't have as much wax as I used to.

In other news, I took a peek at my garden this morning. Now, it could be the rain we've finally gotten, or it could be the Troegs beer, but the garden has suddenly taken off. I've got several little baby tomatoes, I've got a bunch of actual beans (possibly enough to feed two of us, if not all three), and the cucumber plant is getting big. The peppers are showing signs of being ready to flower. Personally, I'm going with the beer, because it's more impressive when you talk to the neighbors about it:

"I use Miracle-Gro on my vegetables. It's a little pricey but just look at them!"

"Oh yeah? I use the backwash from my beer bottles. I got drunk AND now I have nice vegetables. I think I got the better deal."

Not Quite Vanity Googling

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Frasier: That's my brother, Niles. He's a little... how would you describe Niles, Dad?
Martin: I usually just change the subject.

—Frasier, "The Matchmaker" (10/4/94)

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Swiped from NPR Junky. I did this once before (not here), but I like the results better this time around. Despite some similarity in the answers, they're from different places and about different things.

Google your name in quotes with an “is” — ex.: “[your real name] is” — pick your favorite ten responses and post them. Just use your first name for tons of goodness.

1. Claude is seen performing jobs for several crime bosses.
2. Claude is able to bring India close to us.
3. For an artist of such stature & maturity, Claude is very under-recorded.
4. Claude is seated alone on center stage.
5. Claude is on the move.
6. Claude is a snarly old man, but one fateful night while he slept, angels must have slipped into his home through the window, … [this is where the Google preview ends. Intriguing!]
7. Claude is a self-made Millionaire and loves it (who wouldn’t?) [I didn't add that; it was part of what I copied]
8. Claude is an interesting problem.
9. Claude is worth knowing.
10. Claude is nearly 17, and the only thing in his head is, to employ a euphemism, girls.

Reader's Digest, Writer's Cramp

I snared this from Keb (whose new blog may still be on the QT, I'm not sure), who snagged it from Ms. Chatty, who got it from Hothouse Momma and I bring all this up because between the bad links and the right-click protection, HHM is where I had to copy the text from.

I think yellojkt is working on this too, so I hope I don't steal his thunder, here.

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What do the books I've read say about me? What would your list look like? I borrowed this from someone in the blog-o-sphere. It reminded me of books I want to add to my reading list. There are several books that arent on this list, that I have read, but just arent on this list. Look at the list of books below.

• Bold the ones you’ve read
• Italicize the ones you want to read
• leave blank the ones that you aren't interested in.
• Do with this information what you will. I don't tag people but feel free to play along.   

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)

2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)

5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)

6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)

7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)—Only got about halfway through, get it?

8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)

9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)

10.A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)

11.Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)

12.Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)

13.Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)

14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)

15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)

16.Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)

17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)

18. The Stand (Stephen King)

19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)

20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)

21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)

22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)

24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)

25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)

26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)

27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)

28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)

29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)

30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)

31. Dune (Frank Herbert)

32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)

33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)—in my on-deck circle; unfortunately that pile is packed in a box

34. 1984 (Orwell)

35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)

36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)

37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)

38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)

39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)

40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)—My mother loves this one but I couldn't get through it.

42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)

43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)

44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)

45. Bible—a decent chunk of it, anyway

46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)

47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)

48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)

49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)

50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb) but I don't remember anything about it.

51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)

52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)

53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)

54. Great Expectations (Dickens)

55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)

56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)

57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)

58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)

59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)

60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)

61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)

62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)

63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)

64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)

65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)

66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)

68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)

69. Les Miserables (Hugo)

70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)

72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)

73. Shogun (James Clavell)

74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)

75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)

76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)

77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)

78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)

79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)

80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)

81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)

82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)

83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)

84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)

85. Emma (Jane Austen)

86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)—Another one I just couldn't get through. I couldn't buy into the conceit. My mother may have disinherited me for this.

87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)

88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)

89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)

90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)

91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)

92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)

93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)

94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)

95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)

96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)

97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)

98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)

99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)

100.Ulysses (James Joyce)